A note before we start.

If you are new to this mailing list - welcome! You can find past editions of these e-letters on the Practical Guidance page of the website including how to savour joy, be kind to yourself and find resilience in the world of school leadership. But for now, let’s turn to today…

“Nothing beats kindness”, said the horse,
“it sits quietly beyond all things.”

Charlie Mackesy
The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse

Relief, weariness and gratitude are in the air.

As many of us move into the last few days of term, a mix of emotions seem to be in air. Relief that a holiday is just around the corner, gratitude for the heroic work of our staff and weariness as we push ourselves even harder through the next week… and the lens of Zoom.

Headteacher Beverley Riddle in the latest guest blog shares her own habit of pushing herself hard at times of crisis, feeling pulled around by outside forces. She reflects on how her engagement in the Cultivating Leadership Presence Programme has helped her find inner balance, what she calls her ‘North Star’. As a result, her and her team’s ‘to-do lists’ are now ‘to-be lists’, and more than anything else, what really matters - she says - is kindness. 

This reminded me of Professor Alma Harris’ writing for Chartered College. She noted that as we continue to navigated a changed world ‘kindness, gratitude and empathy will be the leadership currency to get things done.’ Leora Cruddas, writing for the TES, is of a similar mind when she says ‘nothing beats kindness in a crisis such as this’.

So - how do we cultivate kindness in our leadership and our schools? It starts with being kinder to ourselves.

How Mindfulness can help.

We know that as leaders we find it easier to offer acts of kindness to others, rather than to receive them from others. We find it even hard to offer kindness to ourselves.

Mindfulness helps us to balance this. It helps us to become aware of our own needs as we are of others and curate our currently fairly depleted resources wisely. We call this cultivating qualities of “self kindness, compassion and unconditional positive regard”. We do this by being present, coming into the moment we find ourselves in fully and becoming aware of these qualities in our day to day experience. Importantly, it also helps us become aware of when we are being unkind to ourselves, attentive to those moments when we dwell on our shortcomings, our mistakes, our… “wishing we had done it differently”.

The practice of self kindness is not selfish, its not self centred. It is an ethical practice. It renews and restores us so we are more able to enter into the next moment of our day a little less defended, with a little more wisdom, clarity and presence. It is a powerful leadership act.

So this week why not, like Mackesy’s horse above, sit quietly and practice some self kindness - just for a few moments? Here’s how…

A note on this practices. These are very simply an opportunity for you to try a practice and see what happens without expectation. Self judgment and doubt may arise in thoughts such as “am I doing this right?” or “I am not sure this is for me”. Notice these thoughts and, as best you can, be curious, be kind to yourself and let them go!

Settle. Allow. Offer. Feel.

Settle

Find a time, and a place, when you wont be disturbed and settle. Feel your feet on the floor, lift your spine away from the back of the chair and feel your strength, your dignity, your courage. 

Allow

Allow whatever is here to be here, scanning your body for any tension, noting and naming your thoughts, acknowledging moods or emotions that might be present. Perhaps simply saying quietly ‘this is what’s here and for this moment I can be with it’.

Offer

Now settle your attention on your breath, feeling its rhythm and letting it anchor you. Then offer kindness to yourself through some simple phrases – whatever feels right for you. These are phrases I have used in practices but you will find what feels right for you. 

‘May I live with presence and with ease today’
‘May I know my value and my worth today’
‘May I be kind to myself and accept kindness from others today’

Feel

Simply let the phrases land into your consciousness, slowly and gently. Whenever your mind responds with flickering thoughts such as ‘not possible’, or ‘you think you deserve THIS?’ – simply note this as a mental fabrication and not true, and come back to the breath and the phrases.

Notice how the body responds – perhaps there is a little more ease creeping in, a little letting go of the burden of expectation you place on yourself, a sense of acceptance that you are good enough just as you are.

This small act of giving ourselves a few moments to rebalance, to reassure, and to be kind to ourselves is - as Jon Kabat Zinn describes - a powerful and radical act of love;

‘they can restore our individual and collective sanity, or recover our perspective and sense of meaning, or simply help deal with the outrageous stress and insecurity of this age.’ 

If you have time to go further take a look at Headteacher Beverley Riddle’s short blog to see how these small acts of kindness she has given to herself, have made an impact on her school.

A reflection to leave you with

Want to cultivate Mindfulness further in your leadership practice next year?

Just head to the Courses page of the website. Here you’ll discover bespoke programmes suited to the needs of you and your team, designed to help build resilience, gratitude and composure in times of challenge and change.

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Maggie
maggie@maggiefarrar.co.uk