Gratitude can make a day, even change a life.
Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary.
Margaret Cousins, Educator and Suffragist: 1878 - 1954

Say thank you

Like many of us I watched the scene between Presidents Trump and Zelensky in the Oval office a couple of weeks ago in disbelief. The one aspect that really troubled me was the way in which J.D. Vance weaponised gratitude by using it to bully and intimidate as he repeatedly interrupted saying 'you haven't even said thank you to the American people'.  

Giving or receiving gratitude is a gift. We do it with care. It’s not something to be forced, demanded or exhorted. In the hands of highly effective leaders it becomes a relational and transformational act. But do we practice it enough?

In a 2017 Harvard Business Review survey of over 7,600 managers, 37% admitted they don’t give positive reinforcement and express thanks to employees. Why is this so? Taking the time to offer positive feedback and appreciate others seems optional to some leaders, and it shouldn’t be.

I love the way that Quint Boa describes gratitude as ‘quietly radical’. He describes it as an act of slowing down, of noticing, of refusing to let what’s good slip by unnoticed. Even better, expressing gratitude has proven reciprocal benefits for both the giver and the receiver.

So how can mindfulness help us be more ‘quietly radical?’ 

How Mindfulness can help.

Mindfulness and the practice of gratitude go hand in hand. Mindfulness helps us to focus our attention, by choice, on that which really matters. As humans, we have a biological bias toward the negative or that which may harm us. As a result gratitude does not always find a natural home in us. 

So focusing our attention equally on that which is troubling and that for which we are grateful, helps us to keep our balance.

I've certainly found that during hard times, a gratitude and mindfulness practice has helped me keep a balanced perspective by:

• finding something positive from the experience

• preventing me ruminating negatively on what has happened  

• protecting myself from getting overwhelmed by a situation and falling into catastrophising

But it's not easy. At first my mind resisted and it felt awkward. It was easier to brood on the negatives of the issue than notice the sometimes smaller pockets of positives. It was easier to beat myself up than to recognise and be grateful for the strength I had brought to the incident. Over time it's became a little easier.

By noticing gratitude and making it part of our daily lives we keep our emotional balance.  It's a habit, and with practice we can build it.

Why not try one of these:

See your school through the eyes of gratitude.

Deliberately go into school one morning with eyes wide open to notice that for which you are grateful. I used to particularly love getting into my school early when it was almost empty and savour it. It also meant the sometimes unseen staff who do so much work behind the scenes cleaning and preparing the school for the day were more visible. The very tidy and clean school they had prepared for the school community was obvious, and I could express my thanks specifically for what I was seeing.

Bring to mind a friend or colleague.

Gratitude is a verb, it requires action. Why not pause now and think of someone you are particularly grateful for. Ask yourself, “what have I received from this person that am thankful for?’ or “what has this person allowed me to give to them which I appreciate?’. Then promise yourself that tomorrow - you will tell them.

Play with language.

Play with different ways of saying 'thank you'. I coached a leader recently who told me his CEO had recently said to him 'I just wanted you to know you made my day - seriously - thank you!'. Some words stick for longer than others.

Create rituals

Building gratitude into team routines fosters consistency and acknowledges impact. Why not close a meeting with a round of appreciations and acknowledgments or start a weekly check in with a reflection on recent wins and an appreciation of team strengths. Rituals such as  these promote a gratitude mindset and reinforce positive behaviors within teams.