One love
One heart
Let's get together
and feel alright

Bob Marley

Belonging

I had the privilege of spending the beginning of the week at the Ad Astra Trust Festival of Education. CEO Andy Brown began the day by quoting Bob Marley, and sharing his vision of the 'trust dividend'. I wholeheartedly agreed with him when he talked about how building a sense of belonging across the Trust allows every member of the Ad Astra community to see and feel its value.

 It reminded me of Peter Senge's thoughts on the practice of presence and how it enables greater 'belonging'.  He explains that If presence is to have a profound impact on ourselves, our communities and society, then it starts with us having a greater sense of belonging to ourselves. This means knowing both 'who we are, and who we are in the process of becoming'. We are invited to let go of 'old fixed identities'.

 Until we do this, he says, we can't be fully present to ourselves and as a result, are less able to build authentic and meaningful connections with others.

How Mindfulness can help.

Mindfulness brings us into the present moment, aware of what's happening, as it's happening, right now. Through practice we hone the skills of curiosity, openness and acceptance. This deepens our sense of belonging to ourselves by bringing us closer to our own authenticity and core purpose.

It also enables us to be fully open to every encounter by giving those we are with our full attention. This intensifies our sense of belonging to others as we start to see beyond our own story lines or the assumptions we make about others and start to notice our 'inter-connection' through our shared experience and humanity.

The practice of mindfulness puts us in touch with our bodies. It moves us from being stuck in the 'driven-cognitive-being' mode of living and leading and helps us to balance it with the 'experiencing-sensing-being' mode. This practice of 'embodied leadership' is essential to cultivating a sense of belonging to both our inner and outer worlds.

John O'Donohue knew this when he explored our hunger to belong saying, 'our bodies know that they belong; it is our minds that make our lives so homeless'.

Let’s practise belonging.

Why not try these two simple practices to deepen your sense of belonging to self and to others?

 Belonging to self:

Our awareness of coming back to this one body, alive in this moment, is strengthened by connecting our body with the earth.

Step one
Sit and bring your attention to where your body is connected to something solid. This might be your feet on the floor, your backside on the chair or your hands in your lap;
Step two
Practice bringing your attention to one single point of connection and resting it there. Open up your senses to what you are feeling - notice temperature, pressure, or perhaps tingling;
Step three
Each time the connection is broken by the mind pulling you away and as soon as you notice you are lost in thought, simply come back to the point of connection you have chosen and settle your attention once again.

Belonging to others

It's easy to fall into the trap of believing we truly know someone. When we do that, we can find ourselves mentally finishing their sentences for them, or only half listening thinking we know what they're going to say next. Next time you are in a conversation why not check in with the following to truly connect and build a shared sense of belonging:

How present am I?
Am I fully attentive to this person, or am I partially lost in thought, time travelling to the past or the future? What might be competing for my attention right now and what do I need to drop in order to be fully present?

How curious am I?
Am I willing to being nicely surprised by this person, dropping my assumptions of the person I think they are?

How connected am I?
What signals am I giving to this person, is my body language open, calm and composed or am I signalling a sense of urgency and impatience to ‘get on’ ? How am I modelling that my relationship with this person is the most important thing in my day right now?

If you would like to explore ‘belonging’ in more detail and what it might mean to you and those you work with, then take a look at this reflection on John O’Donohue’s work and our ‘yearning to belong’