Try a little tenderness

Otis Redding

Micro moments of self - compassion

I enjoyed working with a group of headteachers in St Helens last week. We spent time exploring compassionate leadership, why it matters and what difference it can make to ourselves and those we lead.

We explored how we might develop a compassionate culture in our schools and concluded that it starts with us. Self-compassion matters. But we find it hard. We explored how we might regularly check in on ourselves over the course of the day, to build micro moments of self-compassion, and a habit of being kind to ourselves.

Why might ‘self checking’ be a valuable habit to build?

• It reconnects us with our inner world and can help us to navigate the ups and downs of daily leadership. It can enhance our self - awareness so we are more able to understand and be with what is happening without getting swept away by it.

• When we check in we take our feelings and experiences, our moods and our thoughts seriously. We matter. We can learn to respond to what's happening with kindness, responding to ourselves as we would to a good friend.

• We are empowered. We begin to have some control over our emotions. We are more likely to respond and less likely to react. We can approach issues with greater clarity of mind. We are more thoughtful and considered when making decisions.

We explored 6 questions that we might use to check in on ourselves. They are adated from a set of questions from the App ‘Calm’. When reflecting on them one headteacher said ‘actually the very act of asking one of these questions is more important than the answer’.

As we move into the last few weeks of this term why not take a moment or two to look at these questions and try one?

As you read these questions be aware of which you are drawn toward and which you move away from. Which question, if asked, would be most beneficial for you right now?

1. How am I feeling right now?
Take a moment to identify your current emotional state. Are you feeling happy, sad, anxious, or something else? Naming your emotions is the first step in understanding them.

2. What do I most need right now and how can I give it to myself?
It might be as simple as a brief walk around the block, a moment of sitting in silence and stillness, a drink, or a deliberate pause to slow down for a moment. You have the permission to give it to yourself.

3. Is there anything I need to forgive myself for?
Self forgiveness is a crucial aspect of self compassion. Are you ruminating on a mistake, or holding something tightly that you might be able to let go of? Accept none of us is perfect, breathe and let it go.

4. What accomplishments can I celebrate today?
Recognize victories, even small ones, to help build self-esteem and motivation. We tend to allow our accomplishments to slide off us, but cling onto our mistakes, or things we didn’t do well. Savour a job well done.

5. What's one thing I can let go of that’s not serving me?
Habits, thoughts, or obligations in your life might be holding you back. Imagine releasing them, and see which could help you find a greater sense of wellbeing.

6. What brings me joy, and how can I get more of it into my life?
Identify sources of joy—like people, places or activities and make them a part of your routine. Be like the headteacher who asks a teacher ‘can I come into your room tomorrow - I’m seeking joy’. Just hearing that invitation brings joy!

The St Helen’s headteachers were invited to choose one question and share it with their team inviting them to ask it once a day for a week, reflect on the difference it makes, and then share it.