’To pay attention
This is our endless and proper work’

Mary Oliver

Our greatest gift

A couple of weeks ago I was privileged to be part of the event to celebrate the life of an inspirational and very special educator, Tim Brighouse. It was a joyful morning where many people talked about not only what Tim did that made such a difference to the lives of many, but more importantly how he made them feel.

‘He made me feel ten feet tall’, ‘he made me feel like the most important person in the room’, and ‘he spoke to me as if what I said really mattered to him’, were some of the recollections that were shared in person and on video. These videos and tributes are now available online.

It really struck me how Tim understood that the greatest gift we can offer to someone is to give them our full attention. Those who received this kind of wise and thoughtful attention from him also felt loved. Deborah Eden Tull in her work on relational mindfulness puts this very simply when she says; ‘attentiveness is a subtle act of love for self and others'.

But when we fall into autopilot, or when over busy - rushing through the day only partially aware - we can squander our attention. This reflection from Sharon Harvey has always been for me a salutory reminder for me of the cost of not being attentive; ‘before now I never really valued my attention. But I am realizing that my attention is the everything, through which I experience the world.  I now wonder what I have been mindlessly missing, or perhaps more importantly what or who has been missing me’

We can learn to strengthen our attentional muscle. Here’s a simple practice you can play with to tune up your attention and use it wisely.

I have learned how to use my attention as a currency and appreciate it as a multi-purpose resource from the work of Amishi Jha. The practice below is adapted from his work:

Attention as a flashlight.
We deliberately point the flashlight at something, or at someone. We use the flashlight for the moments that really matter when we want to be highly focused and fully present. When we do, then everything else outside the flashlight becomes dimmer, and is less likely to distract us.
Take a look at your diary for next week. When might your flashlight of attention be particularly useful?

Attention as a floodlight.
The flood light is broad and open. It’s our alerting system - it scans both our inner and outer worlds picking up clues and cues. With the floodlight we become ‘chief noticer’ asking; ‘what’s going on right now and does anything need a closer look (my flashlight)?’.
At what moments in the day might your floodlight be turned on, so you use it intentionally to open up your perspective and see more broadly and clearly.

Attention as a candle.
The candle is softer, reserved for the end of the day or the evening. The candle has a kinder glow. We can light the candle of attention when we choose to sit quietly and reflect. This candle can help us to scan the day, perhaps illuminating that for which we are grateful. When used as a candle our attention can renew us and bring a sense of calm and appreciation.

Why not have a play with these different ways of using your attention in the coming week and see what happens?